loneliness

she felt like nothing in a place where she used to be everything. she felt lonely, although she was surrounded by people. she wasn’t realising where her footsteps were taking her, she heard nothing around her. she was walking down the dark streets, with the music turned loud, but she couldn’t hear it. all she listened to where her thoughts; thoughts that were yelling in her ears like a rocker’s voice. she realised she was walking in the wrong direction, but she didn’t care. it was a chilly summer evening. she used to love that part of the day, when the sun goes down, when the shining light fades away and the darkness takes control of everything. now she hates it. the sunsets are making her insane, because they bring long sleepless nights, full of nightmares and „what ifs”, full of questions with no answers. she can’t remember when was the last time she laid her head down on the soft pillow, with a smile on her face. this was the saddest twilight of her life. and the worst part was that she knew it.

every body around her was holding hands: young, middle-aged, even old people. she felt the earth moving away beneath her feet and falling into that deep hole. the loneliness was a burden she couldn’t carry anymore; like the weight of the entire world was on her shoulders, pushing her down. she embraced herself, the cold wind giving her chills. every little piece of the streets was hurting her: the street lights, the shop windows, the cars… because they were bringing happy memories… those which she never wanted to remember, opening deep dark wounds that couldn’t stop bleeding.

as she was trying to find her own place in this world, heavy tears were falling from her eyes. she didn’t realise she was crying… she just thought her eyes dried. her once-so-beautiful glare vanished, leaving behind a hollow stare and red eyes. the wind was bringing a soft smell of lime trees and rain. the clouds were gathering quickly, hiding the round face of the full moon. soon, the lightnings were flashing, ripping the sky apart.  thunders were exploding, making a deafening noise. in the flashing light she saw the world in a frightening way, every beautiful face turning into a monster. the rain started to pour, suddenly turning into a water curtain. the heavy and cold water drops whipped across her face, washing away her tears. she kept walking through the rain…

last year, in the same time, she was walking hand in hand, on the same street, under the same lime trees with the only one she really loved. he was the center of her universe, the axis that spun her little world. he was her noth and south, her east and west, the poles and the equator. in a single world: he was her whole world.  but in the day he stepped out of the house, never to come back, he took everything. he took her hopes, her dreams, her love, her soul. he took her life, leaving her in an endless moonless night, with no sunrise. he took the smile from her face, the sparkle in her eyes, leaving behind a broken heart, a deadly pale face and purple circles around her eyes. he didn’t even bother to pack his things.

to be continued…